Helen

Mailbox for Helen

As with many mornings, they're woken by the bounce of the bed as the boys climb in with them, both of them doing their best to squeeze into what little space there is between Church and Saffron. Saffron had learned very quickly once they'd taken in the children that sleeping in the nude was not going to be an option anymore.

"Honey, we've got a couple of puppies in our bed," she says sleepily, looking over with a smile at her boyfriend, who's got Thomas draped across him.

"I'm not a puppy, I'm a dinosaur! ROAR," he declares, which makes Abel dissolve into giggles and attempt his own dinosaur roar.

The noise predictably wakes Keira, and Saffron gets out of their suddenly much more crowded bed to fetch her from her crib, pulling a silk robe on over her nightgown as she goes. "Want me to start the coffee?" she says over her shoulder to Church, thinking how it's a good thing she doesn't mind early mornings much these days since she's not running a club and up until the wee hours anymore.

It hadn't taken long at all for Saffron to decide on what to give her boyfriend for Christmas. The answer had been easy, after the last couple of months. They both love the Teller children, and she has no doubt they'd both do anything for them, but looking after three small children is a hell of a time-consuming thing. They get snatches of time here and there, but nothing substantial, and certainly nothing compared to the oodles of quality couple time they used to have before their lives were changed by the addition of three little ones.

Saffron doesn't begrudge the change, as unexpected as it has been, but she really doesn't want to give up significant alone time with Church. Not to mention the fact that their sex life has been far less active in the last several weeks than she'd like.

All of this adds up to the perfect present, which is why the kids are staying with a sitter and Saffron and Church are checking in for a few nights' stay at Kagura. It's the perfect getaway - far enough to feel somewhat remote and private, but close enough they can hurry back in case of an emergency. She's made sure to call ahead of their arrival to request champagne to be placed in their room and the mini fridge to be stocked with Church's favorite beer. As they let themselves into their room and set down their bags, all that's left is for them to enjoy each other for a few blissful kid-free days.

"You know," Saffron says, slipping her arms around Church's shoulders once his hands are free, "I was just pondering the merits of ordering room service for dinner, now that I've got you all to myself."

Saffron doesn't have anything particularly fancy or elaborate planned for when Church comes over so they can celebrate Christmas together. She's never been real big on the holiday anyway, only caring about it in recent years because of the friends and loved ones she'd finally started allowing herself on the island, who became people to appreciate and celebrate with. She'd put up some decorations after Thanksgiving, including a small tree that started out having all the gifts she intended to distribute underneath, accumulating gradually as she bought and wrapped them. But then Jinx discovered she liked playing with the bows, so Saffron had to put the gifts somewhere else to keep the paper from getting shredded to ribbons by the cat's claws.

Most of the gifts have been given out now, and all that's left on the shelf in the coat closet is the few she has for Church. Dinner is in the oven being kept warm, and Saffron's dressed fairly casually but festively, padding around in socks to light a couple of candles on the set table as she waits for her boyfriend to come down.

She hadn't come to Obsidian tonight intending for it to be the last time.

It's good, really fantastic, like it always is with him. There's just the right amount of pain mixed with the pleasure, and he knows how to get to her so well now that by the end, she's begging for him to fuck her. And after a long while, he does.

Now they're curled up together in the bed in one of Obsidian's private rooms, exchanging soft words and gentle touches as they both come down from the intensity of what they'd just shared. He kisses her, and when they finally come up for air Saffron realizes that the taste of his lips is not the taste she wants on her mouth, the ache of him inside her is not the one she craves. She's not dissatisfied in any way with what she has here, but like a switch flipping inside her, or maybe a covered light being revealed, she knows she can't come back here again.

It isn't until he murmurs "You okay?" that Saffron realizes her emotions must be showing on her face, and she isn't sure how to explain what she's just figured out, what she isn't sure she wants to know but can't shut off now that it's out there.

"I-" she starts, but can't continue, and he smiles softly. Saffron sees understanding in his eyes, and she frowns. "What?"

"You're not coming back, are you?" he says, and her expression softens as she shakes her head. "It's okay," he continues. "I was aware this might happen eventually. You're in love, aren't you?"

Saffron wants to deny it, but she can't, and yet she can't admit it aloud, not to him, not when she knows she can't bring herself yet to say it to the one who needs to hear it. She nods.

He kisses her again, but this time on the forehead. "I hope he's worthy of it," he says simply, and for a moment she thinks he's about to say something else, but he doesn't.

Once they're dressed, he hugs her, holding her for a long time, but it doesn't feel like there's any sadness in the gesture. "I'm really glad I met you," Saffron says, looking up at him with a smile.

"I'm glad too," he replies. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

He's a friend now, so she knows she won't, even as she also knows as she leaves that she'll likely never come back to Obsidian. She also knows that what she's just done doesn't actually change anything, except in her own mind, especially if she doesn't say anything. But that's a hurdle Saffron isn't sure she's ready to go over. She realizes continuing to keep their relationship open wouldn't have protected her heart, not really, as much as she'd tried to use it as a shield. Once she tells Church she loves him, though, that'll mean handing him her heart, and she's not sure that's a vulnerability she can risk without knowing he won't crush it.

Saffron is genuinely happy with the business she's in. She likes running the shop with Neil, enjoys the work they do there. But she's been thinking lately, about more than one conversation she's had with someone who mentioned she ought to open a restaurant or something along those lines. And in relation to that she's been thinking about one conversation in particular she'd had with Derek at the BBQ.

I'll supply the meat, as long as you keep up the desserts.

She doesn't think she wants to attempt something as big as a restaurant, not when she doesn't want to give up her existing business just yet. But she's been thinking, and she thinks she's come up with something, now it's just a matter of getting Derek to agree to it.

She's asked him to meet her for coffee, and as she sits waiting for him to arrive, his preferred drink waiting for him as she sips on her own, Saffron just hopes he doesn't think her idea is crazy.

For the most part, Saffron considers herself to be a fairly reasonable woman, not the type to exhibit hysterical jealousy. She's well aware that Church is a free agent and has made no kind of commitment to her, nor she to him. They've only been on one date, after all. She'd kind of hoped there would be a second date, though, and now she's wondering if that hope was one-sided.

When she comes back from the ladies' room and sees him flirting with some woman she gets a little irked, but lets it go. But now, after they've gotten separated again and she finds him hitting on another woman who also happens to be her friend, Saffron can't let it go again. She'd known when she agreed to that first date with him that it would likely come around and bite her in the ass, and it looks like that time has come already. Might as well get it over with.

When she sees him walk away from Kenya, she moves to stand directly in his path, arms crossed and eyebrow arched.

Saffron doesn't feel like she's relaxed at all in the last twenty-four hours or so. They'd been having a good time last night, drinking at the bar like regular folks out with friends, and then some druggie tāmāde hùndàn had stabbed Newt and left him for dead in an alley.

Newt was in the hospital now, stable but in a coma, and Saffron's tried to be there for Kate as much as she could without smothering. She's tried to be strong for her friend, so she could have someone to lean on, tried to keep from falling apart herself at the thought of what might have happened if he'd laid there alone and bleeding for much longer.

Tonight, Kate's got friends with her, and Saffron goes home, for a much needed shower and change of clothing. She stands under the hot water, thinking about what she's been wanting to do since this whole thing started - she wants to make that guy pay for what he did to her friend. She wants to find him and end him.

By the time she's dressed and blow drying her hair, she knows who to go to for help. He's bound to be as angry about this as she is, and with his abilities, they should have a much better chance of getting this done. Throwing her still slightly damp hair into a ponytail, she goes to her phone and texts Derek, then finishes getting ready while she waits for his response.

You busy? I need your help with something.

She's been debating it for days now, going back and forth, and she knows she needs to just do it and get it over with. Nothing's going to change where this is headed, she knows that.

They'd never even slept together, but maybe that had been Saffron's mistake. Maybe that's where she'd gone wrong, thinking if she went about it the so-called proper way for once it would make a difference. But now she knows the truth. Katie talks to her sometimes about Russell, but even if she hadn't, Saffron would know now after seeing them together. She could see how they feel about each other, could see that the way Russell looked at Katie isn't the way he looks at her. She's not interested in trying to compete with Katie, someone she cares about and considers a good friend. And she isn't interested in being passive now. Men always left. Well, not this time. She isn't going to wait around for it to happen.

She's home, but she doesn't know if he is, so she takes out her phone and texts him. Hey, are you home? Mind if I come up for a minute?

It all starts when she breaks a heel.

Saffron's got on a cheap pair of shoes she picked up at a secondhand store the day after she arrived in Darrow, just for something to wear on her feet besides the flimsy sandals she'd shown up in. They'd been the closest pair at hand when she needed to run out to the store for a few things, and though she'd known they were getting worn out, she'd thought they'd hold up.

She isn't going far, just the local market for a few things, so she's walking back home with her single brown bag when it happens. There's a crack in the sidewalk, and Saffron happens to step in it just the right - or wrong - way. Next thing she knows she's letting out a squeal as the heel of her gorram shoe breaks and she almost goes tumbling right onto her ass, her ankle twisting painfully.

Somehow, she manages to keep hold of her shopping bag and her purse, though a loaf of bread and a couple packages of pasta come spilling out onto the sidewalk. Saffron sets her bag on the sidewalk, bracing herself with one hand against a wall as she slips off her worthless shoes with the other, but when she goes to put weight on her foot pain shoots through her twisted ankle and makes her suck in a sharp breath through her teeth.

"Gorram it." She wonders if she can find a cabbie nice enough to not only pull over, but also help her get herself and her things into the cab. "And it's not even snowing," Saffron murmurs. "Where's that Marine when I need him?"