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[dated to September 15]
Sep. 15th, 2014 08:18 pmShe hadn't come to Obsidian tonight intending for it to be the last time.
It's good, really fantastic, like it always is with him. There's just the right amount of pain mixed with the pleasure, and he knows how to get to her so well now that by the end, she's begging for him to fuck her. And after a long while, he does.
Now they're curled up together in the bed in one of Obsidian's private rooms, exchanging soft words and gentle touches as they both come down from the intensity of what they'd just shared. He kisses her, and when they finally come up for air Saffron realizes that the taste of his lips is not the taste she wants on her mouth, the ache of him inside her is not the one she craves. She's not dissatisfied in any way with what she has here, but like a switch flipping inside her, or maybe a covered light being revealed, she knows she can't come back here again.
It isn't until he murmurs "You okay?" that Saffron realizes her emotions must be showing on her face, and she isn't sure how to explain what she's just figured out, what she isn't sure she wants to know but can't shut off now that it's out there.
"I-" she starts, but can't continue, and he smiles softly. Saffron sees understanding in his eyes, and she frowns. "What?"
"You're not coming back, are you?" he says, and her expression softens as she shakes her head. "It's okay," he continues. "I was aware this might happen eventually. You're in love, aren't you?"
Saffron wants to deny it, but she can't, and yet she can't admit it aloud, not to him, not when she knows she can't bring herself yet to say it to the one who needs to hear it. She nods.
He kisses her again, but this time on the forehead. "I hope he's worthy of it," he says simply, and for a moment she thinks he's about to say something else, but he doesn't.
Once they're dressed, he hugs her, holding her for a long time, but it doesn't feel like there's any sadness in the gesture. "I'm really glad I met you," Saffron says, looking up at him with a smile.
"I'm glad too," he replies. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"
He's a friend now, so she knows she won't, even as she also knows as she leaves that she'll likely never come back to Obsidian. She also knows that what she's just done doesn't actually change anything, except in her own mind, especially if she doesn't say anything. But that's a hurdle Saffron isn't sure she's ready to go over. She realizes continuing to keep their relationship open wouldn't have protected her heart, not really, as much as she'd tried to use it as a shield. Once she tells Church she loves him, though, that'll mean handing him her heart, and she's not sure that's a vulnerability she can risk without knowing he won't crush it.
It's good, really fantastic, like it always is with him. There's just the right amount of pain mixed with the pleasure, and he knows how to get to her so well now that by the end, she's begging for him to fuck her. And after a long while, he does.
Now they're curled up together in the bed in one of Obsidian's private rooms, exchanging soft words and gentle touches as they both come down from the intensity of what they'd just shared. He kisses her, and when they finally come up for air Saffron realizes that the taste of his lips is not the taste she wants on her mouth, the ache of him inside her is not the one she craves. She's not dissatisfied in any way with what she has here, but like a switch flipping inside her, or maybe a covered light being revealed, she knows she can't come back here again.
It isn't until he murmurs "You okay?" that Saffron realizes her emotions must be showing on her face, and she isn't sure how to explain what she's just figured out, what she isn't sure she wants to know but can't shut off now that it's out there.
"I-" she starts, but can't continue, and he smiles softly. Saffron sees understanding in his eyes, and she frowns. "What?"
"You're not coming back, are you?" he says, and her expression softens as she shakes her head. "It's okay," he continues. "I was aware this might happen eventually. You're in love, aren't you?"
Saffron wants to deny it, but she can't, and yet she can't admit it aloud, not to him, not when she knows she can't bring herself yet to say it to the one who needs to hear it. She nods.
He kisses her again, but this time on the forehead. "I hope he's worthy of it," he says simply, and for a moment she thinks he's about to say something else, but he doesn't.
Once they're dressed, he hugs her, holding her for a long time, but it doesn't feel like there's any sadness in the gesture. "I'm really glad I met you," Saffron says, looking up at him with a smile.
"I'm glad too," he replies. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"
He's a friend now, so she knows she won't, even as she also knows as she leaves that she'll likely never come back to Obsidian. She also knows that what she's just done doesn't actually change anything, except in her own mind, especially if she doesn't say anything. But that's a hurdle Saffron isn't sure she's ready to go over. She realizes continuing to keep their relationship open wouldn't have protected her heart, not really, as much as she'd tried to use it as a shield. Once she tells Church she loves him, though, that'll mean handing him her heart, and she's not sure that's a vulnerability she can risk without knowing he won't crush it.
